Nightmare
Sometimes, people tell me to “grow up,” and I wish it was as easy as flicking a switch.
When I woke up, this morning, it was like that. I dreamt of boundaries crossed, of promises broken, of babylike things on ladylike hips. He tried to convince me that what he was doing was just; that he could trample over me again with no response, save the usual kowtow.
I was burnt to ash, and I couldn’t refute a thing. He deserved this; it was better than what I could provide.
I woke up and stood silent, searching for the “grow-up” switch. It might’ve felt like a cock. Groping, I heaved a bit, and tried hard not to let anything liquid fall out.
Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
I’m sorry for smudging the air with my song.
Slut” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “yes”. “Friendzone” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “no”.
Haven’t posted in a while.
I feel disinterested in mostly everything right now, and it’s making it hard to get anything done. I’m sure it’s just temporary, but it’s still really crushing me.
A Poly Friends Club party (I refuse to call the group by its proper name) happened recently—- we were the only monogamous couple there, and he fell asleep and wouldn’t play with me. So I laid there on the floor and pretended to be asleep for the rest of the party, while everyone else had fun and did stuff. I considered calling a cab home, but thought he’d take offense to that.
That’s how it is, in a nutshell. I feel like I depend too much on him to make me happy, and the lack of control is driving me up the wall.
If I ask for something, I’m almost guaranteed to not get it— I try to share what I want, but he takes it as a “demand” and thus, an affront to his authority.
So I’m feeling unfulfilled, and unappreciated, and I also feel like I was being lied to during the first few weeks of our relationship— we used to play a lot, and now he’s only interested in his hobbies.
I know for sure thatI don’t want anyone else in my life— I’m not complaining about the fact that I only want one partner. It’s just that I wish we could start over new, and that he’d be interested in making me happy again.
…I guess it’s just that I’d like to have you around to hold me up when I’m like this.
I guess that’s pretty selfish in itself.
